Questions
by Avampyre
Summary: A short series of drabbles in which Dr Tunney contemplates the puzzle that is Dr Rodney McKay following the events in Brain Storm. This is the first story I've ever posted here so please read & review. Thanks.
1. How?

HOW

_"I did it!"_ I made the claim with slightly shaky triumph and gladly accepted the praise that followed later but I can't hide the truth from myself, and the truth is: I did nothing. HE did it all...and I have no idea how.

I invited him here so I could rub his face in my success and instead I'm left with the knowledge that I can never match him. Not even close. Its bad enough that my great project turned out to be his work, permanent proof that I am not above stealing ideas to get ahead but it isn't the worst of it.

"_They'll slow me down..."_

And we did. After all the arguments, we did exactly what he had wanted to do from the beginning. And it would almost certainly have worked...if I hadn't lost my nerve.

_"I'm Dr. Rodney McKay, difficult takes a few seconds, impossible...a few minutes"_

It should have sounded preposterous. An arrogant, over-confident statement from an arrogant man, but it didn't. It sounded true.

"_Okay, look, there's too many people in here, I have important work to do, so everybody - OUT!"_

He took command...and everyone followed him, including me. I saw problems and the situation getting worse and he saw opportunity. I said it was impossible and he did in minutes what would have taken me weeks or even months of painstaking work.

_"Before I run it, check my math"_  
_"I have been, why do you think I'm standing here?"_

The code was nearly complete before he left and it never occurred to either of us to check _his_ maths. It was a constant, like pi. If he had written it, it was right.

I was afraid...and he wasn't. His confidence kept me from panic and I didn't realise it. I didn't realise how different his concern was from my fear until I saw true fear in his eyes...not for himself or the situation but for her.

I wanted him here to prove that I had beaten him. How did it backfire so badly?

* * *


	2. When?

WHEN

When did he become a better man than me?

Ever since I've known him, that's been my consolation. He was smarter but I was better. Nobody liked him, or respected him for anything other than his mind. I had friends and he didn't. I wasn't a hypochondriac, chronic complainer and he was.

At first, it appeared nothing had changed. He's still obnoxious and abrasive and the woman he was with seemed like an obvious smoke-screen. Even when he interrupted the presentation, it was just the way he is. But then things went wrong and I saw another man. One I'd never imagined.

I don't think I'll ever forget the look he gave me when my first thought was if an injured man had signed his waiver or not. The way his face changed from the beginnings of sympathy to disgust. If anyone had asked, I would have sworn that he wouldn't care how many people were hurt as long as he wasn't one of them.

I'd have sworn he was a coward, but our impending deaths barely phased him.

I'd have sworn his life would come first, no matter what, but he abandoned the coding that would save it to save someone else.

I'd have sworn that he'd be useless in a crisis but he was the one who took the lead and kept the rest of us from panic.

I'd have sworn he'd complain constantly about the cold but he barely seemed to notice it, even after he gave away his jacket.

I'd have sworn that a woman like her would never look twice at him, but the look in her eyes when they returned together was like nothing I'd ever seen.

I'd have sworn I knew him. That there was nothing beneath the surface but more of the same.

I was wrong.

When did everything change?

* * *


	3. What?

WHAT

This should have been my moment of triumph, instead I am almost forgotten, completely overshadowed in everyones minds by a single burning question... What has he been doing for the past 10 years?

It is painfully obvious that he is anything but the failure we had so gleefully assumed him to be. What kind of work gives him a direct line to an Air Force general? What kind of work allows him to mobilise the military without a single word of explanation?

He made one phone call, stated that that there was a situation and that was it. They were on their way. What civilian scientist has that much power? Even when they arrived and the facility was shut down, there was deference in the way they treated him. His word was gold and accepted without question.

His snarky rudeness to the authorities didn't even make them blink. Most of them seemed to know him and when he refused to discuss anything until Dr Keller had been checked out, they backed off. And it was obvious that he expected nothing less from them.

There seemed to be almost an air of, 'just another day' about it. Most of the military personal seemed completely unsurprised that he had come up with a way to avert catastrophe - they seemed to take it for granted. I even heard one of them assure a slightly hysterical man that there had never been any real likelihood of disaster with him there to take care of it. "_He's at his best in a crisis_" they said. What kind of situations has he been in that would make them so sure of that?.

It wasn't just respect he was shown, though. It was like the military viewed him as one of their own and there was clear affection in the way some of them watched and spoke to him and even in the way the complained to each other about him. Some of them seemed to be swapping stories about situations they'd been through with him, although they clammed up whenever I or anyone else came within earshot. I got the feeling that if anyone else had tried to put him down, they would have been silenced in short order.

I know from long and painful experience that there is little or no respect for brains amongst the brawny. What has he done to earn this kind of acceptance?

Not that he can be completely excluded from the 'brawny' category any longer. The man I knew would not have been capable of destroying a door and then carrying Dr Keller the length of the compound, refusing to allow her to walk on her own.

I see the other women present watching him with admiration, with respect and something more. A man who, the last time we met, no self respecting woman would ever look at twice once he'd opened his mouth, has become a romantic fantasy. I feel like I've fallen down the rabbit hole.

What has he been doing all these years?

What has made him so strong?


	4. Why?

WHY

Why is he the same and yet so very different? It's clear that his manners are still as bad as ever. He can't open his mouth without snarking and he still doesn't care who he offends but no one seems to care.

Why do the people around him seem so accepting of the way he behaves? Why are they so sure that he can be counted on? Why do they know a side of him that only emerges in a life-threatening situation?

Why is he so much stronger, both inside and out, than he was before? It doesn't make sense. Even if he's doing classified work for the government, his basic job should be the same as mine. He's a scientist, like me. Desk-bound and, present situation excepted, not required to face anything more dangerous than a review board...isn't he?

Why does a woman like that tolerate him? She's clearly intelligent and knows him well and yet she still seems to adore him.

Why isn't he what I expected him to be? Was the man I saw today always there, hidden beneath the surface?

Why did I invite him here to show me everything I'm not?

Why can't I be more like him?

THE END


End file.
